It has been a long while since I wrote down anything. I have been trying to figure out what is going on: why the 13+ years of facing fears, letting go, cleansing the life inside out and then back, releasing, entering the void - which, by the way, was a multilayered experience by itself. I have today come to the conclusion that my "last meditation" session at the end of January this year was the "final void", the one that made it possible to step again into human life, realizing your immense responsibility and power as a human co-creator.
Since then I have, through synchronism, become aware of the layers of god beings throughout our history. We have always acknowledged gods and creators, and worshipped them. We have sought guidance beyond ourselves, from "higher powers". We have written codes of conduct to be "good people". We have sacred texts and books that we attempt to follow literally. If the book says don't eat meat, we don't. If the book says honour sabbath, we do. If the book says that we are sinners, we submit ourselves to that role.
What if we have outgrown our sacred books and the need for spiritual guidance? What if we are now ready to create on our own, together, as human beings? What if we don't need gods anymore? What if they fulfilled their purpose in the human evolution? What if it's time for us to now remember who we are and assume the responsibility of ourselves as a human race and beyond?
What if we are our own guidance from now on?
Life has been very demanding since that "January meditation" that ended my spiritual path. Once again I find myself in a situation where money is more than scarce, people around me still play "the old game" and I seek for guidance, when it is no longer available.
I no longer have doubts of who's god is the right one; which religion offers the right path. All gods are real, all paths exist. The question is, how do we move on from where we have placed ourselves in relation to gods and religions. How do we create together a New Earth that serves us all, that treats us all equal, that honors the sacredness of each human life?
Another curious thing is my political awakening that is transforming as well. I first joined the True Finns (the name of which has now been changed to "The Finns") but now I am moving on to another party, a very small one, without one single representative in the Finnish parliament. Its name is Muutos 2011, "The Change 2011". How precious is that!? The Mayan calendar is supposed to end this year and this tiny party carries the name of its reason so visibly, yet so few people realize its true meaning.
I have also started to work part-time, only a couple of weeks so far, but it's a start. I work in a pizzeria as a waitress three days a week and my body is almost paralized after each working day - it has been not really moving at all in years! I am still losing weight but not as rapidly as in the first half of this year. A week ago I got tired of the black colour of my hair (I had received hair colours for Christmas) because I did not recognize myself in the mirror and took the colour off. It was a surprise that all colour went off - I am a blonde now, my natural colour is brown, facing the same as with the black hair: I don't recognize myself when I see my reflection in the mirror. This indicates that the transformation continues and we are yet to emerge as our true selves.
I still ask healing from my guides and sometimes am given treats through music. I am turning on the radio now to see if the universe is "listening in":
Blondie, The Tide Is High, http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-0skjm-uJSs&ob=av2n.
Yes, it appears that we are "tuned in". =)
I know that many of you are still feeling lost and tired and thinking that something might have gone wrong: why are we not demonstrating who we truly are yet. It is like when we are born: we need to learn everything anew, to think, to express ourselves, to walk, to be. We are still seeking our new roles in the new game. Have faith. It is real. And it is here. Now.